Why has the English dictionary grown so thin?
Why is it weeping between its covers?
Because today is the day, all words of foreign origin return to their native borders.
Linguists are rioting in the streets.
Crossword lovers are on hunger strike.
But words are voting with their feet and familiar objects across the British Isles have staged a mass evacuation.
Anoraks have been seen flying off backs remaking their Innuit tracks.
Bananas hands forming a queue are now bound for a Bantu rendezvous.
Hammocks leave bodies in mid-swing and billow back to a Carib beginning.
Pyjamas without regard to size or
age take off on a Hindu pilgrimmage.
Sofas huddle themselves into caravans, their destination – the Arabian sands.
Even Baguettes (as we speak) grab the chance to jump the channel for the south of France
This is a tragedy
turning into a comedy
for reports are reaching us by satellite
that in the wee hours of the night
the ghosts of ancient Greeks and Romans
have been preparing an epic knees-up to mark the
homecoming of their word hoard.
Stay tuned for live and direct coverage on
this day a dictionary mourns its language.